Why did I become a prostitute?
I often get asked this question and I don't mind answering it, although the answer is not as straight cut as it may seem.
So before I do answer that question I need to back track a few decades and explain a little about me.
As a young child I think you could say I was pretty happy. I had a good upbringing, despite my mother suffering badly from pms and I mean really badly. But as childhoods go, it was ok. I had lots of friends at primary school, although looking back i’m not sure if they actually liked me that much – I could be quite bossy.
I remember one particular incident when a girl I was friends with, who lived opposite me, told me one day that her mum did not like me. When I asked why she said it was because I was rude. I don’t think she meant rude as in bad mannered, I was always polite to friends parent. I think she probably meant vulgar. She’d probably overhead me telling some dirty joke or something and i’m talking about when I was 10 years old. Anyway, a few weeks later I asked another friend if her mum liked me, and she also said no. I found out later she had actually lied and it wasn’t her mum that disliked me, but her. Can’t say I particularly liked either of their mothers anyway. They were right snooty cows. The sort of mothers who never let their kids do anything. Unlike my parents who were/are really down to earth and gave me and my sister lots of space and freedom.
No, my life changed when I started secondary school. I went to an all girls school, which could have been part of the problem as I've never really gotten on that well with girls. Well I did when I was younger, but I’ve always liked male company, my best mate for years was a boy and even now you’re are more likely to see me sitting with the guys having a laugh, that sitting around with the ladies talking about periods and makeup tips.
For some reason when I turned 12 ish it was as though a switch was turned off in my life. None of my friends from primary school went to my school, and for some reason I found it hard making new friends.. There was some right bitchy girls there and I hated every single moment of my life at that school. It was also around that time I started to suffer with depression. I wasn’t diagnosed with depression or even suspected of having it, but events later in my life made me realise that that is exactly what I had and continued to be dogged with for many more years to come.
I wont go into detail about my life then, as its something i’d rather forget – I've moved on so much since then. But needless to say at a time in your life when you should be having fun, I probably wasn’t. And I went from being a happy kid to being morose, rebellious, aggressive etc, etc. And I will admit that sometimes I just wished I was dead. How my parents coped with me I do not know, I put them through hell at times. In fact for a good few years I hated my parents and believed they hated me and favoured my sister. Which was never true of course. Actually although I know they don’t have a favourite, if they did, it would be me ;-).
I was truly a fucked up child and young adult, you would not believe. I didn’t just have depression to contend with, I also had an array of other weird and wonderful psychological problems. Most went as quickly as they came, perhaps lasting 6 months.
If ever there is a god, he really did have it in for me. I think I must have been his little experiment, to find a child, throw all these obstacles in their way, give them all these fun problems and see how they cope with it. He must have had a good old chuckle at my expense.
I finally left school at 16, managed to get 7 o’levels – actually did quite well much to everyone’s surprise, and then went to college to do A’levels. Totally bombed out on those. Depression was still rearing its ugly head and half the time I didn’t bother turning up for lessons. So I got a job at 18, after wasting 2 years. Finally got bored with that after a year and decided to go back to college and retake 2 A’levels in a year, which I did, and went on to get a fairly good job for a firm of accounts. Not that that story had a happy ending, ha ha.
To be continued..............