Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Why did I become a prostitute - part 1

Why did I become a prostitute?

I often get asked this question and I don't mind answering it, although the answer is not as straight cut as it may seem.

So before I do answer that question I need to back track a few decades and explain a little about me.

As a young child I think you could say I was pretty happy. I had a good upbringing, despite my mother suffering badly from pms and I mean really badly. But as childhoods go, it was ok. I had lots of friends at primary school, although looking back i’m not sure if they actually liked me that much – I could be quite bossy.

I remember one particular incident when a girl I was friends with, who lived opposite me, told me one day that her mum did not like me. When I asked why she said it was because I was rude. I don’t think she meant rude as in bad mannered, I was always polite to friends parent. I think she probably meant vulgar. She’d probably overhead me telling some dirty joke or something and i’m talking about when I was 10 years old. Anyway, a few weeks later I asked another friend if her mum liked me, and she also said no. I found out later she had actually lied and it wasn’t her mum that disliked me, but her. Can’t say I particularly liked either of their mothers anyway. They were right snooty cows. The sort of mothers who never let their kids do anything. Unlike my parents who were/are really down to earth and gave me and my sister lots of space and freedom.

No, my life changed when I started secondary school. I went to an all girls school, which could have been part of the problem as I've never really gotten on that well with girls. Well I did when I was younger, but I’ve always liked male company, my best mate for years was a boy and even now you’re are more likely to see me sitting with the guys having a laugh, that sitting around with the ladies talking about periods and makeup tips.

For some reason when I turned 12 ish it was as though a switch was turned off in my life. None of my friends from primary school went to my school, and for some reason I found it hard making new friends.. There was some right bitchy girls there and I hated every single moment of my life at that school. It was also around that time I started to suffer with depression. I wasn’t diagnosed with depression or even suspected of having it, but events later in my life made me realise that that is exactly what I had and continued to be dogged with for many more years to come.

I wont go into detail about my life then, as its something i’d rather forget – I've moved on so much since then. But needless to say at a time in your life when you should be having fun, I probably wasn’t. And I went from being a happy kid to being morose, rebellious, aggressive etc, etc. And I will admit that sometimes I just wished I was dead. How my parents coped with me I do not know, I put them through hell at times. In fact for a good few years I hated my parents and believed they hated me and favoured my sister. Which was never true of course. Actually although I know they don’t have a favourite, if they did, it would be me ;-).

I was truly a fucked up child and young adult, you would not believe. I didn’t just have depression to contend with, I also had an array of other weird and wonderful psychological problems. Most went as quickly as they came, perhaps lasting 6 months.

If ever there is a god, he really did have it in for me. I think I must have been his little experiment, to find a child, throw all these obstacles in their way, give them all these fun problems and see how they cope with it. He must have had a good old chuckle at my expense.

I finally left school at 16, managed to get 7 o’levels – actually did quite well much to everyone’s surprise, and then went to college to do A’levels. Totally bombed out on those. Depression was still rearing its ugly head and half the time I didn’t bother turning up for lessons. So I got a job at 18, after wasting 2 years. Finally got bored with that after a year and decided to go back to college and retake 2 A’levels in a year, which I did, and went on to get a fairly good job for a firm of accounts. Not that that story had a happy ending, ha ha.

To be continued..............

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Kim - thanks for exposing your soul. It reminds us that we are not just punters and you are not just a prostitute. I look forward to reading more of your life's story. So roll out part 2. Regards Dave

Anonymous said...

What a brilliant blog, and the start of a series too....
It is very impressive that you have come through your trials and tribulations to end up the person that you are now.
Stephen

Karina bo bina said...

hey there kim,
you are such a warm funny person
and I love reading your blog.
You're so insightful about everything that happens to you, and you're open. That's one of your best features, is that you're one of those people who is easy to approach. I also look forward to your future blogs, and was hoping to ask some advice as well...
Hope your next one comes up soon!
cheers,
Karina

Kim said...

Hi Karina, thanks for popping by. How on earth did you stumble across my blog? It's nice to see someone across the pond is reading it.

Of course you can ask for advice. You can email me if you like. I will do my best to help, whatever it is ;-)

Anonymous said...

Can we call you Marge now?
Stephen

Anonymous said...

Hi Kim, have to say I`m impressed with your blog. Your latest post is a very brave one, writing about you. My respect. Overall they are very clever posts. Looking forward to read more. Keep going!
Cheers,
Sig.

easygoingman said...

Kim, any chance we might get to see part 2 in the near future?

You do have an interesting story and are very articulate in the writing of your blog.

khaled jarrar said...

Hi Kim
I think your nice person and need to challenge this life and find your way of life
I am Artist and I doing a research about prostitutes while my next art project well be about this subject so I need some facts that would help me to know how its going on in this business

best
Khaled
kh.jarrar@gmail.com

Lalaine said...

I do not know why people blame their parents to often when they make wrong decisions later in life. Can't you be just thankful your parents let you live and fed you. All families got problems. Not just you. But others learn to live. You have a thinking brain that knows what's right and wrong. Use it. Its nice to be liked, but taking an easy route isn't free. There are consequences to each decision. Somehow if its wrong it would comeback to haunt each one of us. I guess that's why you write this blog. To get approval for the wrong reasons in your life. Wrong will always be wrong however you look at it. Its called conscience. Its a guiding system to life.

Lalaine said...

I do not know why people blame their parents to often when they make wrong decisions later in life. Can't you be just thankful your parents let you live and fed you. All families got problems. Not just you. But others learn to live. You have a thinking brain that knows what's right and wrong. Use it. Its nice to be liked, but taking an easy route isn't free. There are consequences to each decision. Somehow if its wrong it would comeback to haunt each one of us. I guess that's why you write this blog. To get approval for the wrong reasons in your life. Wrong will always be wrong however you look at it. Its called conscience. Its a guiding system to life.